Tagged: kabah

Newsflash: Muhammad found dead in bunker after allies storm Medina stronghold

(Peninsula News Service/PNS) — The coalition of Arab and Byzantine forces today found the body of Muhammad, the self-proclaimed “Messenger of God,” in a fortified bunker underneath his mosque after a fierce battle in central Medina.

The body was decapitated, and a spokesman for the Byzantine military said that Muhammad ordered one of his closest aides to behead him so that he would not fall into the hands of “monkeys and pigs,” as he called Jews and Christians. Two of his wives and several of his followers who surrendered when coalition forces stormed the mosque complex early this morning identified the body.

The death of Muhammad marks the end of a two month military campaign involving 30,000 Byzantine troops, 15,000 Arab warriors, and 3,000 Jewish fighters to bring an end to the reign of terror that Muhammad and his cultists had imposed throughout Arabia. Read more »

Komrade Kabah: Read this amusing take on our Kabah article!

(THE PEOPLE’S CUBE) — In the beginning of the world, there was the Cube. Every Muslim will tell you that, and we are not making this up. They call it Kabah, which is Arabic for “the Cube.”

People from all corners of the earth gather to the Cube in Mecca for education and enlightenment. Only instead of rotating it like we do with the People’s Cube, they run in circles around it, like the unionized electricians of a certain non-Muslim ethnic minority who rotate the stepladder while changing the light bulb.

Since the rest of the Islamic narrative about the Cube’s origin is not in compliance with the Marxist theory of Historical Materialism, below is a korrekted version, developed by the scientists of the Karl Marx Treatment Center.

Adam, the first man to evolve from the ape, built the Cube as a symbol of equality, making sure that each side was equal to the next and painted with the same colorblind-friendly black pigment.

During the Great Flood the Cube sustained significant water damage. It was then further scrambled by Islamophobic non-unionized idolaters, but later unscrambled back by Abraham and Ishmael (the first Arab to evolve from the Jew™). Finally, Allah hired Mohammed to liberate the Cube from the unenlightened corporate rednecks and the white-collar Jews who inhabited Mecca.

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The Cube of Mecca, aka the Kabah

IN THE BEGINNING OF THE WORLD THERE WAS THE KABAH — at least, if you believe what Muslims are indoctrinated into believing about the draped temple of Mecca that is orbited by masses of people every year during the pilgrimage season.

The story goes it was a jewel sent down to the world by Allah from his throne far above the seventh of the seven heavens. Adam, the first man, built the Kabah as the first temple of worship of Allah, but it was destroyed in the great flood that Allah inflicted on the world for disobedience to his will. It was rebuilt by Abraham and Ishmael, and Ishmael fathered a line of Arabs that led finally to Muhammad. But by Muhammad’s time, the temple had fallen into the wrong hands, into the hands of idolaters who worshiped other gods than Allah. Read more »